• Megan F.

Vampires are among us

Updated: Dec 8, 2020

The vampires are among us

A perverse narcist is often attracted by very lively people, empathic, with high human values, they trigger his/her attention to `value him/her. Often, it is subtile the way they seduce, always looking great until their prey is conquered. Once the prey is conquered the mask can fall at a different pace but still it is does fall surely.

1- How does the perverse narcissist look like? First of all, he is a dandy, he is someone who likes his personality. He must be the Centre in most situations or groups, he does not tolerate competition in his couple for example with his partner (physically, socially, parentally, and professionally). As a matter the partner must abdicate in his sources of joy or social activities.

 In society he is pleasant, really agreeable, appreciated as he overplays the perfect guy.

He plays the peacock, he is kind, understanding, anticipating our needs, serving everything, very prince charming, he is building a fairy tale with gifts, restaurants, travels etc.

2- He is isolating his prey - the reason why he is doing that is to be/remain in the center of your attention. Your vital breath must be taken through the PN only. Your ecosystem must be him/her that you are losing track of connections. He gives you the impression than anyone else is useless in your life now and onwards. Their talent resides in the fact that they are the only person who can repair your wounds, their talent is to scan their prey to control more.

You are becoming more and more what we call under control, on the one hand there are feelings, on the other hand you are chained, and this creates unease. The PN give you self-esteem sometimes to win back you, and then it starts again and it’s even worst. Each and every time a limit is passed, whether it is subtly made so you already lack confidence to tell or not.

You might lose your friends also and because you still want to see your friends and have a normal life, you hide yourself to see them.

3- Affective dependence

Many often the question being asked to a victim of a PN is why, why did you stay for so long?

In the construction of a child, there is a lack, normally to build oneself one has this unconditional love, if one has not been properly loved, mistreated, belittled, there is a low self-esteem and we will look for that in the other if we have not done the work we reproduce this diagram. We doubt ourselves, we seek in others this recognition that we do not give ourselves into the PN who is aware of the wound.

3- He is sabotaging your life - your creativity is turned down, if you are being yourself you are different not normal and will make you feel that way.

By creativity it is any dream, any wish that you put into action into the material world.

Why is it so difficult for him to realize that is because the PN is empty he is so full of himself, of making sure he is always on the top, that his sickness does not show a developed internal world (that makes him feel lower than you), he is spending a lot of time to play the dandy, he surrounds him/her by people who make him/her feel good. Under the thin image there is a world of nothingness.

4- He is downgrading you - you can’t be better socially than him, as a matter, it does not interest at what you are you doing or the why. He will try to defeat you, so you don’t earn more than him or appear more qualified than him socially. It can go really far, to make you do serious mistakes, when you are still talking to the PN seeking support and advice. You are miserably alone. It starts from ‘’you have to redo all your life, all you have done until him is useless, then you are dumb, until you are mad and unstable’’ …while he is the one who is unstable…

5- He is questioning you and your life - he is not able to appreciate you, your activities, your friends, your hobbies and passions. Even worst, he is trying to find ways to make you realize that what you are doing, or liking is irrelevant. He is despising you and your life.

It relates also to the fact that his level of empathy is close to zero, as a matter, he is not able to understand you, care for you, or relate to your pain.

6- He is controlling your life - Your phone, laptop, bank account are not anymore your property. It seems someone else has access to it. He makes you follow or ask someone to report all your deeds and gestures and with whom? He is preventing you from being presentable (make up or attractive look), for going to the gym, to go out to see friends (especially if he does not know them). He prefers to go out with you for that particular reason.

The PN spies on you on online presence communication applications etc. He is a despote.

7- The day you become a mother – The day you become a mother sounds the end of a situation that was already cracked, I will even say it is the end, the narcissistic pervert is no longer the center of attention. It's someone else ...

He will suffer so much that he will do everything to keep you away from your child, so it is intolerable to him that you have such a source of joy, he will do anything to make you suffer as he is jealous of you and the reproaches start to rain, condemning the bad mother ... Many women see less their child as the PN keeps the child away to make you pay.

It is intolerable to him that you could combine with your career the two brilliantly, belittling, while you are excelling in your organization.

8- Jealousy - How many of you have experiences where you can’t even invite a male to fix your laptop, the AC or a plumber issue unless wake up your partner's wrath?

His jealousy is a sickness, he is even trying to prevent you from being pretty, put make up,

telling that you don’t need this anymore. If he has not called you a whore you are lucky for going on business trips or out with friends mean you certainly have relationships.

6 – To separate with a PN is the only solution, it's your salvation. Also, it is important to leave as soon as possible, because only the PN can be cured by admitting that he has a problem with a psychologist.

You will not be able to heal a PN yourself even if you are a coach or psychologist, because you are in the negative cycle of the PN you are its prey and he will do everything to finish you!

So, Run away!

2 reactions arise according to the relation with the PN:

- The anger: you develop an immense anger for all this wasted time, and this pain, it is this anger that allows you to fight and go.

- The submission : it will be much more difficult for you to leave, but it is not impossible. Let's say he has kept you under control for so long that it might be difficult.

Also, those around you have been seduced by the PN and far from you, are not able to understand the situation. This is particularly difficult as you have been put in an egg.

Solutions:

1- Fly away

2- If you need a psychologist or a trustful coach support, go get it, or a friend you trust etc.

3- Cut the material ties – don’t entertain anything with him/her anymore, you will never be friends anyway.

4- Cut the energetic ties do it yourself or see an energetician

5- If you have a child keep it related to the child. The PN will resume with the child, it is extremely difficult to find people good enough for him, he often pulls down, so he feels better. Protect your child get a parental council, psychologist, make an expertise, support yourself and your child. Keep it factual if you still have to talk to him as they often like to fantasize. Or other you will spend a lot of unnecessary energy. Regarding your child you must reframe if your child is suffering from the PN, you must speak to the child, cheer him up, make wrong what needs to be made wrong in front of the child. Be twice more praising and encouraging than with a normal partner to build his confidence. It is extremely important.

6- Don’t make yourself suffer even more in regrets, or self-degradation because it is extremely difficult and even strong people can become the victim of a PN.

7- Be part of a support group whether it is online or physical.

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